I’m going out tonight.
I’m going out tonight with a man who I haven’t seen since I watched him being gently folded into a police car.
I’m going out tonight with a man who I promised, “If you ever go to jail again, you will never see me again.” and who I thought loved me enough for that to be a viable threat.
I guess the drugs were too strong.
I’m going out tonight with someone I haven’t seen in real life in almost 6 years. The last time I saw him I was deeply in love with him and deeply disturbed. He facilitated both the absolute best and absolute worst times of my entire life. To begin our relationship, he wooed me without end to the point that the word “stalking” wouldn’t be far off, and finally convinced me out to one date. I remember saying that clearly. “I will go out with you ONE time if you stop coming to my house and ringing the doorbell.”
We went out for ice cream and sat on the trunk of my Volvo and talked and talked. I don’t think we went on another date after that.
I just moved in with him.
I had never felt so beautiful. So irresistible. Respected, admired, cherished. He made me feel like it was ok to be whatever I was, he loved the ugly parts just as much or maybe even more than the pretty ones. I maintain that the love came deeply before the drugs.
I’m going out tonight with the first man to ever propose to me.
What the hell do I wear?
