Laws of Gravity

I don’t know what to write. Most of the time, that’s how I start out anyway, so this shouldn’t be too much different. 

I have a lot to say, but I don’t think there would be much point in saying it. Nothing will change because of it, and I’d just feel like an idiot. I’m not used to putting myself out there, taking that risk. OTHER risks, I have no problem with, but I’m not about to make anyone uncomfortable, including me (holyrunonsentencebatman) just so I can get things off my chest. 

I’m fine. I can deal.

I feel like this is coming up on my last chance to make it in the real world. I wish I still had time to make stupid mistakes, take ridiculous risks and follow my heart. NOT doing that is making me feel useless and unwelcome.

I’m not used to being alone. I’m not good alone. I’m all RIGHT, surviving just fine, but there’s always the feeling of something missing. Stupid as it sounds, I’m just not whole without someone next to me. I’m perfectly happy, doing well, living life, but there’s definitely a hole there. I want to share life. Just like everyone else, of course. I realize this isn’t a revelation. This is nothing new. 

I just wish things could be different. As easy as they were when I was younger. I don’t mind the aching joints and insomnia, the wrinkles and mood swings; The worst part about growing up is not being able to do something drastic because you think it’s just the goddamn right thing to do, fuck everything else. It’s that “everything else” that has to matter most, and that’s a shame.