Laws of Gravity: Archive

Come back, here, heart.

My only apprehension comes from logic. I know that it is possible for things to move too quickly, and that sometimes that’s hard to get over, later in the relationship. Most of the time it ruins things down the road. The other side of my brain, however, the right-side romantic let’s-go-live-in-a-cabin-on-a-hill-come-on-it’ll-be-fun side says life is too fucking short to be...

Feb 27th

The sheets are still warm.

Feb 26th

Feb 24th

apparently, “cute” no longer holds the same meaning; and I’m dealing with it the best that I can. I did not plan for this to happen… I actually was intending for the exact opposite, but things didn’t work out that way. I’m rolling my eyes, scared shitless, and facepalming like a motherfucker, but I am happy. Very happy. I just need him to tell me it’s...

Feb 24th

Feb 11th

Just, you know, in general.

My head is bursting with the joy of the unknown. My heart is expanding a thousand fold. Every cell, taking wings, flies about the world. All seek separately the many faces of my beloved. /Rumi

Jan 22nd

Para ti el todo mundo

I don’t know what to write. Most of the time, that’s how I start out anyway, so this shouldn’t be too much different. I have a lot to say, but I don’t think there would be much point in saying it. Nothing will change because of it, and I’d just feel like an idiot. I’m not used to putting myself out there, taking that risk. OTHER risks, I have no problem with,...

Jan 22nd

Jan 4th

Sometimes coming home feels wrong. I don’t know where I’m supposed to be, but it’s not here.

Jan 3rd

so. ok. I’ve been drinking. so what. so have you. I’ve been looking up people I’ve slept with on facebook. So what. I’m human. I’ve been looking up people I’ve been friends with on facebook. So what. So have you. Here’s the thing. I am closely approaching 30. Which means that all of those aforementioned people are having babies. The people I...

Nov 11th

I've got it bad.

Nov 9th

Death Cab

“Brothers On A Hotel Bed” You may tire of me as our December sun is setting because I’m not who I used to be No longer easy on the eyes but these wrinkles masterfully disguise The youthful boy below who turned your way and saw Something he was not looking for: both a beginning and an end But now he lives inside someone he does not recognize When he catches his reflection on...

Oct 15th

Need to grieve

I feel like someone’s died. I can’t care about my puppy. I can’t care about the good things that happened, because they’re no longer valid. I can’t afford to love something that I can’t have anymore. It’s not fair, so it’s not something I can hold on to. It’s the death of love, of possibility. It’s the death of a perfect life that if I...

Oct 13th

Hey! Jeans!

rubyribbon Amy I entered to win @AshleyD’s giveaway for a free pair of Gap jeans and you should too! bit.ly/pKrYOA

Sep 27th

Restlessnesses

Doing what feels right doesn’t also have to make sense, does it?

Apr 2nd

One (or two?) Question(s)

Is it just that my priorities are different? Or am I selfish?

Mar 4th

Someone wrote recently about fighting and being fought for. I’m sure there’s something to be said beyond this, but this is what I have at the moment. Yes. That sounds good, I’ll have that. Happiness, please?

Jan 25th

To life:

Sweetheart, sweetie, baby, babe, darling, doll, honey… And any combination thereof. I’ve been in relationships where it takes a second to remember how to vocalize the other person’s name, it hadn’t been used in so long. A lot has happened. Very quickly. There’s so much to say, and so few words… My head is still jumbled and reeling. I just have to take a...

Jan 19th

3:45AM and Apparently, I Can Cook.

Another thing about life that I love: I was having a bad night. One person, with angry words, turned what was a emotionally productive day into a night without sleep. My brain couldn’t shut off, replaying the childish outburst over and over and over… And then someone, out of the blue, complimented me. A Chef at a restaurant in the UK that had earned 3 Michelin Stars told me I should...

Jan 11th

West of North

“LIFE KEEPS MOVING. My adventures that were just a couple months ago, feel as if they were a million years ago.” (…) “places that were under my feet and that I was a part of once so intimately, now seem billions of miles away, and once again out of my reach, as I sit in this cold, wet, rainy, lonely city. Yet, I am in Portland, a place that has its own reputation. And I...

Jan 11th

“…I can taste you on my lips and smell you in my clothes…”

Jan 10th

A city growing out of the forest:

I should be writing something meaningful here, but my head is swimming and I can’t pin down what I want to say. Probably something poignant about the Portland skyline, fast cars with tinted windows, conversation over gimlets and sushi, and a very nice dog named Bella.

Jan 9th

Combustion

date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date date...

Jan 8th

Honest to Blog?

Why is it so easy to be so honest with strangers? Is it just me? A flaw in my makeup that gives everyone the benefit of the doubt and ALL of my trust before they have a chance to prove they’re untrustworthy? I really, honestly, do NOT have that much faith in humans.In ultimate fact, I think we’re all dishonest and shady and wouldn’t trust my neighbor to watch my dog; but for...

Jan 7th

“We took the town to town last night. We kissed like we invented it. And now I...”

Jan 6th

Photo shoot tomorrow. I really model because I think it’s funny that someone would like to take pictures of my body, in its condition. It’s like a trainwreck, ya know? Can’t take your eyes off of it. Ha.

Jan 6th

Watch

It’s raw and in horrible condition, but I want this to be in as many places as possible so it doesn’t get lost. This was such a precious time for me. I want to go back so badly. I was at my best and felt like I could do anything. I loved the people in this video so deeply and to look in their eyes and see them seeing me is very valuable to me. I remember, every time I see Tony look...

Dec 31st

half-life

Doubtless, we’ve been through this, So if you wanna follow me you should know: I was lost then, and I’m lost now And I doubt I’ll ever know which way to go.

Dec 26th

Update:

How is it possible that after almost 6 years, practically in different bodies, living hard lives and after so much growth, the heart still finds some people familiar? I was confused last night whether or not we were going on an actual DATE. We decided it WAS a date. The next morning, in my bed.

Dec 25th

I’m going out tonight. I’m going out tonight with a man who I haven’t seen since I watched him being gently folded into a police car. I’m going out tonight with a man who I promised, “If you ever go to jail again, you will never see me again.” and who I thought loved me enough for that to be a viable threat. I guess the drugs were too strong. I’m going...

Dec 23rd

Apologexodus

Happiness is a relative term. I’ve been “most happy” quite a few times and I never feel the same way. It’s never the same swelling in my chest, tears in my eyes every time. I cannot be expected to make someone else happy by staying in a situation that leaves me unhappy. I cannot permanently sacrifice the joy I usually take out of life on the premise that I will always...

Dec 23rd

I've accepted

I can’t have nice things.

Jul 20th

Nostalg-ick

I can’t believe I haven’t written in almost a year. That’s, like, a lot of marriage. At LEAST once a month I’m bombarded by the “what ifs”. Maybe not the “what ifs” but at least the “remember whens”. The certain curve of his lip, the way his left elbow didn’t bend all the way straight, his slightly turned-in walk, the way he...

Jul 10th

Aug 21st

Oh

I feel sick I feel down I feel drained I feel ill-equipped I feel apathetic I feel ambivalent I feel

Jul 23rd

Jun 27th

Jun 25th

Thursday

I feel like I don’t exist today. If I don’t remember the rest of the world is going on around me, I’ll forget where I am. Will I get lost? I feel dizzy and floating, and inanimate. Strangely, contented. Maybe I don’t exist because there’s nothing that relies on me existing today. I have to go to work tomorrow. Maybe I’ll exist then. Oh, and; I’m...

Jun 11th

May 28th

Running Tally of Injuries Sustained Since Amy's...

4” bruise, inside right thigh (Fuck you, things on top shelf I can’t reach!) Blister from dull side of prep knife (Fuck you, 2 hours of chopping bread for croutons!) Stress fracture, 2nd toe, right foot (Fuck you, efficiency and agility!) Burn, left wrist (Fuck you, pizza oven!) And this is only my 2nd week. We’ll see if I can keep from breaking my neck next week.

May 25th

Tuesday.

Ok. Now, Really… tuesday. I’m getting a tattoo. :P Left forearm, with compass letters at each point. Compass of a chaos star. :)

May 14th

Tuesday

I’m getting tattoed. Jealous? :)

May 10th

A Pit Bull Puppy

… can be cute if he’s on your lap, and sleeping… and especially when he’s not yours… But its another thing entirely when he’s locked in the spare bedroom and his master’s away… Every time I move, I remind him that someone’s in the house. He is not pleased. Mosier is… Mosier. It’s a small town. It will become boring to me if I...

May 8th

Apr 30th

Tuesday, May 5th.

Which also happens to be the reason I got the “5” tattoo on my wrist… I’m moving. I don’t know why I thrive in chaos and get thoroughly, honestly EXCITED when there’s change, but I do. When I heard I was leaving, it was “Here we go again…” and a smile, in my head. I have ADD of the soul. I can’t settle down.

Apr 27th

Apr 24th

When I dream, I always wonder why.

Never mind. I’m happy he’s happy.

Apr 20th